I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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