I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
