If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Randomize
