theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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