Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
