I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
