Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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