I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
