dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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