just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
not ubering you a puppy
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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