woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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