you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
