i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
