Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
