happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
