I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
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she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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