The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
