I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
