So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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