i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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