why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I met the friendliest cop last night
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
