I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
