I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
