I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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