i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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