she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
