May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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