I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
