At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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