Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
