If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
