I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
