my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
