Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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