I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
