Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
