well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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