Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
