so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
