so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
