So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
