Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
