dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
