New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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