Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
