just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
