Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
