alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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