How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
