Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
