I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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