I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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