i need an iv and a liver transplant
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
