Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
