My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
smell my finger.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
