He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
