I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
