youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
These tits shall not be calmed
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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