I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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