Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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