Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
