Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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