she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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