my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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