Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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