Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
