Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
