A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
