Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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