So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
