do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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