don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
