You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
