Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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