No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
