Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
