I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
