Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
