moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
