I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
