she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
