Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
