Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
