my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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